Graham Phillip
A week before I found out I was pregnant, I was having terrible back/abdominal cramps that felt much like I was going to be getting my period, but worse. I would wake up in the middle of the night and have to take a shower or bath to get the cramps to go away. I scheduled an appointment for the doctor to find out why I was having such terrible cramping because it was lasting so long. When I would tell Reese, my fiancé, about it he asked if I could be pregnant. I thought there was no way! While I was at the store I bought a pregnancy test just to prove that I wasn’t pregnant. When I saw the test come back positive, I stared at it for a long time before bringing it out to Reese. I thought it had to be a false positive and took the second test, which also came back positive. I asked Reese what he thought of it, and he smiled and said, “I think it means we’re having a baby!” It was a relief to know that he was excited. At my appointment two days later they confirmed that I was indeed pregnant and so started our journey that would change our lives forever. I started out seeing an MD through the clinic that specialized in family medicine and OB. When they asked me about where I wanted to give birth, I knew I had wanted to look into homebirth or a birth center. When I told the doctor this, her attitude towards me changed and she simply said that she doesn’t agree with births outside of the hospital and if it was really something I wanted to pursue that she could recommend me to one of her colleagues. I was a little put off by this, but scheduled my second appointment with her anyways because I didn’t know who else to see. At my second appointment, she asked me rather rudely, “So did you ever look into that birth center thing, or did you just give up?” I told her I hadn’t looked into it yet, but was still interested. She asked me why I wanted a birth outside the hospital and I told her because I wanted to be able to try a water birth and I knew the hospitals were not going to allow me to do that. She then told me, “Well you know the baby has to breathe, don’t you?” I couldn’t believe what she was saying to me. I knew she had to be doing it to either try to scare me into not wanting a water birth or because she really believed that a baby could not be birthed in the water safety. Either way, I did not want her to be my doctor anymore. I called Morning Star right after my appointment so we could go check it out. I immediately loved the atmosphere at Morning Star, and Reese agreed. Paula was my midwife and she was always so calm and reassuring during my prenatal visits. I always felt like my concerns were addressed, no matter how big or small. I never felt rushed. I started reading books about natural labor and was mentally preparing myself. I knew a lot of labor was about your mindset and the more empowered and positive, the easier/fast it could be.Everything was going pretty well throughout my pregnancy, except towards the last few weeks, my blood pressure was becoming elevated. I started to become very anxious about having my blood pressures checked because I knew that if they were elevated, I would not be able to give birth at the birth center. Even just hearing the Velcro on the cuff rip apart would increase my anxiety. I became obsessed with checking my BP. I work as an RN at Essentia and I would check it throughout my shifts whenever I had a free moment. At my 40 week appointment, my BP did not come down to a good range after my first check. Paula wanted me to go get checked out by an OB doctor to see if they would give the okay for me to still give birth at the birth center even with my BPs slightly elevated. I was not having any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia, so I tried to push that thought out of my mind. She set up something with one of the OBs at Essentia. I happened to work the day shift that day, and when I got her message I just went downstairs to the Birth Place to get checked out. I was under the impression that they were just going to be checking my pressures, monitoring the baby and running some labs. When I got there, they gave me a wrist band, and had me change into a gown. I asked if I was being admitted and my nurse didn’t really give me a straight answer. This increased my anxiety. She then checked my pressure and it was sky high. She started asking me all the questions I ask patients when they are being admitted. I asked again, if I was being admitted and she again did not really give me a straight answer. I could tell that the staff there thought I was some crazy person for wanting to have a natural birth outside the hospital. I got all the questions and odd looks throughout my pregnancy when people would find out I was going through the birth center. I think I noticed it more because of being in the healthcare profession. I was used to it and it felt no different being there.A lab tech came and drew some blood and the nurse asked for a urine sample. While I was waiting for the results, my nurse, the resident and medical student kept saying how good and happy the baby looked on the fetal monitor. All my bloodwork came back normal. When the attending OB came in to talk to me 4 hours later, he asked how I was feeling. I told him I was worried about my blood pressures, and he said, “I’m worried about your blood pressures too.” Needless to say, it did not help my anxiety. I started crying as he told me that my urine came back slightly elevated for protein. He then said that combined with my pressures qualifies me for “severe pre-eclampsia” and that he wanted to induce me that night. He also said he wanted me to get magnesium sulfate, a prophylactic anti-seizure medicine. I felt like I was hit by a bus. I started crying hysterically telling them this is not what I wanted. I asked if my blood pressure wasn’t high and would I still be considered to have pre-eclampsia? He said not necessarily. They told me they would give me some time to call my fiancé and talk to my midwife if I wanted. I called Paula and told her what was going on. She assured me that I was still in control of my body and that I should do what I felt was right for me. I knew that they baby was doing well, and all my bloodwork came back good. I still really believed that my blood pressure was so high because of my anxiety, which was not being helped by being in that hospital room. I told my nurse that I wasn’t going to be induced that day. I said I was going home and was willing to sign out AMA if necessary. She went and told the resident who came in and tried to convince me that this was a bad idea. I told her that I would go home and monitor my pressure there and if it was still high, or I had any symptoms of pre-eclampsia I would come back. The attending came back in after he was out of a C-section and tried to convince me to stay as well. I told him I had made up my mind and was not going to consent to be induced at that time. He then told me that they did not have to induce me that day. This made my decision to leave even easier. He went over the AMA paperwork with me and I could tell he was becoming frustrated with me. Just as he was about to leave the room, he turned to me and said, “Well, I’ve already delivered two dead babies today, so good luck to you.” I was shocked and appalled that he would say that to me, and knew right then I was making the right decision. I did not want to be in labor with a doctor, who would say whatever he could to scare me into doing what he wanted me to do and did not respect my decisions.I cried the entire drive home. I got home and Reese drew up a warm bath for me and made me some tea. I laid in bed checking my blood pressures, which were now more normal than they were at the hospital. The next morning I talked to Paula again and told her what had happened. She asked me if I wanted to get another opinion and go to St. Luke’s instead. I told her I would. This time I had mentally prepared myself that the possibility of being induced and delivering at the hospital was real and that I had to be okay with it for me and my baby. I called my supervisor at work to tell him I was starting my maternity leave earlier than anticipated. When I arrived at St. Luke’s, I felt anxious, but not as much as the previous day. I had called my doula, Monita, to let her know what was going on. She came and met us at St. Luke’s. They ran labs and checked my pressures and put the baby on the monitor. Again they said how happy and healthy the baby looked which was reassuring. The OB that was on that night came and told me that she agreed that I had pre-eclampsia and was recommending induction, but did not consider it to be severe and didn’t think I needed the mag sulfate. I was still emotional and cried again. Someone said to me, “It’s okay to mourn the death of your birth plan.” It was hard, I was so sad that this was happening, I think it was even harder because internally I felt fine. She went over my options for starting induction which included either breaking my water or taking cytotec to see if that would jump start labor. I was having mild contractions that showed up on the monitor, but that I did not feel. I went with the cytotec first because I wanted to be the least invasive as possible. Overnight, my cramping/contractions increased a little, but nothing to get excited over. They put me on a clear liquid diet, but Reese and Monita both snuck me in some food and snacks to keep my energy up. Around 1 PM the next day, after about 4 or 5 doses of the cytotec, we decided to break my water. I remember feeling a large warm gush a fluid. They said I had a good amount of amniotic fluid and it was clear. It kept leaking for a while after they broke my water. I went for a few walks and started to really feel some contractions coming on and in no time at all I was having strong contractions a few minutes apart. I sat on the birthing ball a while and eventually ended up on the bed with the head up and me hanging over the top of it. I had read the book by Ina May Gaskin and remembered how much the mind plays a role in how well birth progresses and how well someone can deal with the pain of labor. I tried to stay as positive as possible, telling myself that my body knew what it was doing and that my baby and I were going to be healthy. As my contractions continued, Monita and Reese took turns massaging my lower back with coconut oil while I breathed and moaned through the contractions. I did notice that when I became distracted the contractions were a lot worse than previous ones. Eventually I ended up in the shower. The warm water helped me tremendously with dealing with the pain. I just kept imagining my cervix getting wide and open. After a few hours of switching between the shower and the bed, the resident came in to see if I wanted to be checked. I told them I did, but said there was no way I could lay down on my back to be checked so they had to do it while I was kneeling on the bed. They said I was at 8 cm. I felt pretty good about this considering it had only been few hours. A few hours later they came in and checked me again and said I was almost at 10, they pushed a little lip of my cervix I had left and I started pushing. They got me the birthing bar for the end of the bed. I started out trying to squat while pushing which was difficult. I felt like I couldn’t get any good pushes in until the very end of the contraction. They tied some fabric to the birthing bar and told me to lean back while holding on for leverage. This was a little better and I felt like I was making some progress. I felt like I was pushing for an eternity. Finally, Reese said he could see his head! He had hair! I was so excited. I asked for a mirror and the pushing continued. After a few hours, someone asked if I had to pee. I didn’t feel like I did, but I had been drinking water since I went into labor and was peeing frequently prior. I got up and tried to go in the bathroom. I pushed and pushed but could not pee. I asked if they could straight cath me, but they couldn’t get it in. I was frustrated and everything down there was swollen. I stood up and was about to sit down on the birthing stool, when I started to pee. I thought to myself, if I tried to make it back to the bathroom, I’m not going to be able to go, so I just let it flow right there. I got back into the bed to use the birth bar again. I remember being so exhausted I’m pretty sure I was falling asleep between contractions. I would wake up after a few minutes and everyone in the room was silent and staring at me. I pushed for another few hours, almost 8 in total. Monita was feeding me honey sticks to help keep my energy up. I eventually ended up agreeing to some Pitocin because they convinced me that my contractions were starting to become weaker. My contractions started becoming more painful, like I knew they would with the Pitocin. The attending doctor had been checking on my progress throughout the evening. She sat on a chair in the corner just watching me push during my contractions. After a few minutes and me saying how frustrated I was that I wasn’t able to push him down anymore, she said she thought I would be a good candidate for forceps. I was scared, but knew I wanted my baby out and my energy was dwindling. They called up the anesthesiologist to give me an intrathecal injection prior to the forceps. Everyone kept telling me I needed to continue to push while we waited for the anesthesiologist to come. I told them I needed to rest a few minutes. They were insistent that I continue to push. I told them I couldn’t. I needed a break. I could tell they all thought I was giving up. Monita told me that if I didn’t push now, I might have to go for a C-section if the forceps didn’t work. I told her I would push when they were ready for me. I knew I needed to regain some energy. Once the forceps were in place and they told me to push, I pushed harder than I ever had before and after a few good pushes, my baby was out and crying. Everyone was cheering and screaming. I felt an instant relief from the pressure in my pelvis and I was so incredibly happy to meet my little man. Graham weighed 9 pounds and was 21.5 inches long. I became the drunk girl in the room, crying and telling everyone how happy and thankful I was for all their help. I looked at my baby and couldn’t believe that my body made and birthed him and he was finally here. I’ve never been so happy in my life. I looked up at Reese and he looked so happy and excited to see our son for the first time. It was a long, difficult journey, but so worth it in the end. I really hope that if I become pregnant again, I can try again for birth center. I had my placenta encapsulated and was in awe of how crazy it looked. This amazing organ that sustains life while in the womb (: